The Gagged Girl: Fifty Shades of Grey...a Review...

Ok, before we press on, I have to issue the following:

SPOILER ALERTS!!! SPOILER ALERTS!!! SPOILER ALERTS!!!!

You have been warned...read at your own risk...ok...deep breath...fuck, ok, here we go...

For those of you who know me, or more to the point, have encountered me on Fetlife, you know how much I hated...fucking hated...this series of erotic fiction that turned into a huge ass best-seller despite it being poorly molded into book form from poorly written fan-fiction by an adult admirer of Twilight...fucking Twilight!!!!

I hated reading the series so much. Part of it being that it felt like that the author, E.L. James, simply came over to Fetlife and ripped off all of us who like to write erotic stories...and did an incredibly bad job of it. I was so angry and disgusted by the success of a hack who appeared to rip off the numerous writers, and made me feel that what I was writing was just crap as well, that I decided to stop writing fiction. This is how much I hated the books.

So, I saw the movie tonight.

Sigh, I know, I know. But sometimes, when you've invested yourself in something, it's really hard to stop. I sort of put myself in the category of Twilight-haters who still saw all the movies in the theatre; we bought into the hate and came to the darkside. That's the best way I can describe why I watched this move.

So, let's start off with the good stuff...yes, there were good points to the movie. Even for a hater like me!!!

The soundtrack to this movie is going to be a must-have. You will *love* it. The best way I can describe it is that I would use it for my Grabbed & Gagged videos!! I will be buying the soundtrack when it comes out. Even if you never watch the movie or read the books...you will like it anyway!!

There are numerous, erotic scenes that go on. They are well-choreographed and the persons hired to run the scenes are (and according to the credits) pretty professional. They are sexy. They are hot. They are worth the price of admission. Now, just to let you know, those of us who are hardcore into this...it's going to be pretty tame...but when looked at as individual scenes (which is how this movie should be viewed anyway)...they will at the very least cause a raised eyebrow and a twitch of a knowing smile...

Otherwise. The movie is not that great and you should probably wait to stream it, but...it's not a steaming pile of crap that the books were. This movie could've been better if James let the director move the movie at his own pace and direction, but she, like most authors, felt she would know better how it would look on the big screen than the actual director.

So, you get some awful dialogue. Certain elements move too fast, like how Ana suddenly starts having relationship doubts and causes drama at a family dinner...when the relationship hasn't even started yet. Then there is the whole lack of understanding of how a proper D&S relationship works and how you probably shouldn't treat a woman's virginity as something to get out of the way so you can involve in her D&S and BDSM a mere couple of days after deflowering her...

The majority of the audience...mostly women who have NO experience with kinky sex of ANY kind...are treated to how NOT to introduce someone into that world...and they won't know that no sane top would do some of the things that James suggests is done in such a relationship. There were moments when I actually muttered things like "This is when you run away screaming for help!" or "Taser! Taser!"

And of course...the movie sends the same message as the books drummed out repeatedly; isn't all this kinky stuff and exciting, but really...you have to be somehow damaged or insecure to actually engage in it.

None of this is normal. You have to be damaged somehow (in the book and in the movie, every time Grey takes his shirt off you see scars of cigarette burns on his chest), physically and emotionally to be a top. While you derive *some* pleasure from it, really, you are compelled to do it because you are a control freak. As a woman who willingly signs a contract...there is something weak about you. In essence...it's okay to get tied to the bed every now and again...but to make it something more..well, as the horrible quote from both the book and movie goes, you have to admit the following, "I am fifty shades of fucked up."

And for those of you, like me, who love doing these things, knowing you aren't fucked up because simply because you like it, you get insulted at the end when Ana "forces" Grey to do his worst on her to better "understand" all of this and he obliges her and beats her with a braided belt and is stunned when she leaves him at the end...don't worry...there are two more movies after this one...

So. While there is much to like in terms of individual scenes (and that playroom is pretty fucking awesome) and the music...the story, the dialogue and plot...and the lousy message leave much to be desired for. Watch it for the scenes, you will get your money's worth...ignore the rest.